This post is the second part to the first part of the story I posted yesterday. If you haven't read the first part please do so before reading this part or else you blurr blurr dunno what I'm talking about.But if you have read the first part and you are not offended by it like what I can tell from the good comments you left, then read on coz I so happy to know everyone has a good sense of humour!
So the story continues here in the garden where Jesus and his disciples were camping out. I also dunno why they dunwan to sleep in the house maybe it was a warm night. Anyway Jesus knew the time had come and sure enough the Pharisees came to arrest him there, waking the disciples up who tried to fought them back but Jesus stopped them coz He knew it was hopeless. Que sera sera. What will be will be lah.
So dark dark at night they brought Jesus to be judged by the Temple priests who accused him of being a false prophet lah and also poisoning people's minds lor. Of course you know and I know it's just a trump up charge they use to get Jesus anyway they can lah. We also know that He was found guilty and was sent to Governor Pilate who was the only person who can pass the death sentence.
But then hor, Pilate tulan ledi got waken up in the middle of the night to pass sentence on some guy he didn't even know. So he sent Jesus off to Herod so he could get back to his wife halfway through their nightly sexercise.
But then also hor, Herod was having a party at his house and he also tulan for getting interrupted by this but what the heck he decided to have some fun with this prisoner lah.
He asked Jesus to perform magic tricks for him since people say He's the King of the Jews and can perform miracles and do tricks but Jesus refused until Herod got bored with Him and decided to send Him back to Pilate coz he didn't know what to do with Him also! And so Jesus got sent back to Pilate like a ping pong ball lor.
This time Pilate got really sien now coz Herod sent Jesus back to him. What is he gonna do? He couldn't find anything wrong with Jesus but at the same time kept getting pressure from the priests to sentence Him to death.
So to please the priests Pilate sentenced Jesus to be flogged and then later released. And you know lah those Roman soldiers if they have someone to torture they sure torture kau kau wan! First they made a thorny crown for Jesus to wear since He calls Himself King of the Jews...
Then they stripped Him and whipped Him kau kau. Damn painful wor lidat, blood was spilling everywhere, Jesus crying out in pain but the lansy guards damn sadistic wan get more excited and whipped summore till Jesus half die ledi!
After the guards had their fun they brought Jesus back to Pilate for more instruction. Pilate after seeing Jesus half dead lidat said; "Wahlau eh! I said flog him, didn't said kill him half dead lidat mah! Aduh...I dunwan to be blamed for this lah." At that time Pilate thought Jesus suffered enough liao lah and wanted to let Him go but the Pharisees wanted Jesus dead! So what to do? Pilate had to give the dead sentence but washed his hands off the matter hoping he will not be blamed for His dead lah.
So there you have it, the priests damnhappy now coz they got their wish. Jesus was to be crucified on the cross till He die. You see in those days the condemned person had to carry his own crucifix wan so Jesus half dead ledi still had to carry the heavy crucifix up the hill...
...where He was crucified on the cross, hands and legs nailed to it. All this in front of everyone to see. The Pharisees damn happy that day wor, they finally accomplished their mission liao. They saved the world from a false prophet that day they said to themselves.
But then hor...after 3 days hor...Jesus rose from the dead! All His disciples and followers so happy to see Him alive again. He is truly the One who will bring balance to the Force...oops, sorry wrong story again, He's the Messiah Who's been sent to save the world! See...look at the photo even got halo summore! Now you believe onot?!So from that day on till today we celebrate Easter but I still dunno where the Easter Bunny and the chocolate easter eggs come in though...I must've missed a chapter somewhere.
The End.
It's nearly Easter and since many people are in the festive mood I thought I'd post some holy moly post also lah. You have to forgive me if the photos look a bit blurr blurr because at this event the organisers don't allow people take pictures or videos you know so all the photos you see here are all spy shots wan! Had to steal steal take them when people not looking at me wor! So kamcheong can die lidat!
I don't read the Bible very often wan so I tend to get the stories mixed up here and there so if you see I wrote wrong thing be sure to point out and correct me also lah, kam sia kam sia.
Anyway the story goes lidis...a long time ago in a galaxy far far away...sorry that one wrong story! Let's start again hor, long ago in the land of Palestine where the Romans rule the lands there lived a wild man called John the Baptist. Many people came to get baptised by him and some even said he was the Messiah as was told in the prophecy. Like Star Wars lidat story also got prophesy of the Chosen One leh, that's why I got mixed up ledi!
So John the Baptist very humble wan and he said hor; I'm not the Messiah, I can only baptise you with water but the Messiah can baptise you with the Holy Spirit wor! Then ngam ngam the Man they call the Messiah came to ask John to baptise him pulak! So OK lah said John coz not often get to baptise the Messiah wor. Plus he femes now after baptising Jesus so his business lagi bagus!
So later after the Messiah whose name by the way is Jesus was led into the wilderness where he was tempted by Satan the Devil himself! The Devil said to Jesus; "I will give you your kingdom on earth if you will bow down and worship me!" in which Jesus said "Chey! My Daddy in Heaven owns the world oredi so what for I need you to gimme leh? My Daddy sure gimme wan! And besides, my kingdom is in Heaven with Him!"
So Jesus passed his test with the Devil and he was told by his Daddy in Heaven to take on 12 disciples who will eat, sleep, pangsai and go everywhere with him to spread His teachings to all the people. Bit like training padawans to become Jedi lidat lah! So he found his 12 disciples; John lah, James lah, Peter lah, Paul lah, etc...sounds a bit like The Beatles!
So slowly slowly Jesus and His disciples became very femes ledi, a bit like rock stars lidat and many people start to follow Him like groupies and this made the priests of the Temple very jeles wor!
Jesus very controversial wan coz He taught people things that's different with the old teachings of the Temple and yet more and more people followed him. And he also performed lots of miracles but the Temple Priests saw that as magic tricks to fool people only.
One day hor, Jesus performed his greatest miracle and that was to raise the dead! This guy Lazarus got sick and conked out ledi and got buried in the tomb and started to stink oredi but Jesus came and brought him back to life wor! So you say, lihai or not? He is indeed the Son of God like Darth Plagieus who could stop people from dying! Woohoo!
And this was the last straw for the Temple priests, they could not stand it anymore and they had to do something to fix this Jesus up so they came up with a plan to get rid of Him permanently! *Jeng Jeng Jeng*
One fine Sunday Jesus came to Jerusalem and he had a big welcoming party wor. People were carrying palm leaves and singing and dancing as they welcomed him into the city like movie stars walking down the red carpet at the Academy Awards lidat.
But when He got to the Temple he saw greedy money lenders ripping people off, traders making exuberant profits and people worrying about money only so He got angry ledi and trashed the place up but He also managed to convince everyone to listen to His teachings outside the Temple and this angered the priests even more. But now the priests had a plan and things are oredi in motion to set Him up!
So one night Jesus and His disciples sat down for supper and He announced that this would be He's last supper with them coz one of them's gonna betray him! *Deng Deng Deng* Eh...why I cannot see Mary Magdalene sitting next to Jesus like in DaVinci Code movie wan?
And sure enough Judas went to see the High Priest and to give the secret location of Jesus to him for a few silver coins! But why ah? Judas needed money coz following Jesus don't get paid wor! So he decided to sell him to the Pharisees lah!
Tune in tomorrow to find out what will happen to Jesus. Will He be arrested? Will He escape the Pharisees? And will Judas finally get to kiu kai with the money he just made from selling he's teacher?
To be continued...
p/s: Some people may find my post offensive so I go hide from diss missiles heading my way!
So the story continues here in the garden where Jesus and his disciples were camping out. I also dunno why they dunwan to sleep in the house maybe it was a warm night. Anyway Jesus knew the time had come and sure enough the Pharisees came to arrest him there, waking the disciples up who tried to fought them back but Jesus stopped them coz He knew it was hopeless. Que sera sera. What will be will be lah.
So dark dark at night they brought Jesus to be judged by the Temple priests who accused him of being a false prophet lah and also poisoning people's minds lor. Of course you know and I know it's just a trump up charge they use to get Jesus anyway they can lah. We also know that He was found guilty and was sent to Governor Pilate who was the only person who can pass the death sentence.
But then hor, Pilate tulan ledi got waken up in the middle of the night to pass sentence on some guy he didn't even know. So he sent Jesus off to Herod so he could get back to his wife halfway through their nightly sexercise.
But then also hor, Herod was having a party at his house and he also tulan for getting interrupted by this but what the heck he decided to have some fun with this prisoner lah.
He asked Jesus to perform magic tricks for him since people say He's the King of the Jews and can perform miracles and do tricks but Jesus refused until Herod got bored with Him and decided to send Him back to Pilate coz he didn't know what to do with Him also! And so Jesus got sent back to Pilate like a ping pong ball lor.
This time Pilate got really sien now coz Herod sent Jesus back to him. What is he gonna do? He couldn't find anything wrong with Jesus but at the same time kept getting pressure from the priests to sentence Him to death.
So to please the priests Pilate sentenced Jesus to be flogged and then later released. And you know lah those Roman soldiers if they have someone to torture they sure torture kau kau wan! First they made a thorny crown for Jesus to wear since He calls Himself King of the Jews...
Then they stripped Him and whipped Him kau kau. Damn painful wor lidat, blood was spilling everywhere, Jesus crying out in pain but the lansy guards damn sadistic wan get more excited and whipped summore till Jesus half die ledi!
After the guards had their fun they brought Jesus back to Pilate for more instruction. Pilate after seeing Jesus half dead lidat said; "Wahlau eh! I said flog him, didn't said kill him half dead lidat mah! Aduh...I dunwan to be blamed for this lah." At that time Pilate thought Jesus suffered enough liao lah and wanted to let Him go but the Pharisees wanted Jesus dead! So what to do? Pilate had to give the dead sentence but washed his hands off the matter hoping he will not be blamed for His dead lah.
So there you have it, the priests damnhappy now coz they got their wish. Jesus was to be crucified on the cross till He die. You see in those days the condemned person had to carry his own crucifix wan so Jesus half dead ledi still had to carry the heavy crucifix up the hill...
...where He was crucified on the cross, hands and legs nailed to it. All this in front of everyone to see. The Pharisees damn happy that day wor, they finally accomplished their mission liao. They saved the world from a false prophet that day they said to themselves.
But then hor...after 3 days hor...Jesus rose from the dead! All His disciples and followers so happy to see Him alive again. He is truly the One who will bring balance to the Force...oops, sorry wrong story again, He's the Messiah Who's been sent to save the world! See...look at the photo even got halo summore! Now you believe onot?!
